Spoopy Spirits
by BubbleJasmineTea
Summary: The Ultimate cast does their best, despite those spirits being more obnoxious than helpful... especially for one certain tactical espionage spy. It doesn't exactly help you when you've got a Squid, an Otaku, or even your evil clone brother stuck inside your head 24/7.
1. So how about that Nintendo Direct

[A/N: So, how about that new Nintendo Direct? No matter if you guys hate or love it, I think you'll find these "shorts" for the new mode amusing while I work on Turnabout Mega Buster. Basically, the spirits are a little bit more annoying than one would expect... Definitely a crack fic. (And I'll make more of these when they come to me, if you like them.) Also, Snake, WHO THOUGHT YOUR CARDBOARD BOX WOULD WORK DEAR LORD- *cough* okay. Done. On to the story(ies).]

Episode 0: Literally the video with the people in the entire universe

Octoling: *wins against Inner Agent 3*

Octoling: 0_0

Octoling: VEEEEEEMOOOOOO- (DEAD)

Otacon: *makes tea*

Otacon: I wonder when Snake'll get home. After all, Sunny's making- (DEAD)

Chain Chomp: BORK- (DEAD)

Waddle Doo: I'm hungry. I'm going to go make some - (DEAD)

Rotom: ZZZzzzzzzt- (DEAD)

Magolor: *sigh* I wanted to be an assist troph- (DEAD)

Air Man: NO ONE CAN DEFEAT- (EXTRA DEAD)

Tails: Everyone is toast.

Tails: …

Tails: Huh you know that didn't- (DEAD)

Phoenix Wright: I'm actually fine and Japanifornia is especially beautiful today

Episode 1: This is why you don't bring the nerd along

"Okay, but Snaaaaake! I want to talk to the robot! He's Mega Man, for god's sake!"

Solid Snake punched himself in the face to get Otacon to shut up.

"Otacon, it's bad enough already that you're sharing my body, but I have a goddamn mission to do! And stop taking over my body to talk to Princess Peach!" he snarled to himself. Little Mac glanced at him, feeling quite sympathetic. Earlier, he had been taken over by a squid and an octopus and had belted out some song called "Ebb & Flow". He very desperately wanted to forget this Wednesday.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry about that... but there's robots and I want to talk to them! And you wouldn't let me talk to that nice android last week... Oh look! There's one now!" Snake (Otacon?) quickly dashed over to R.O.B. in a great deal of excitement. The robot spun around to face him, looking... uh, it didn't really seem capable of many emotions, so it looked, well, robotic.

"Okay! I know this one! R.O.B., originally starring in Gyromite for the Super Famicon in-"

"Man, Snake, I thought you were supposed to be tough. Didn't you get all the dominant genes?" The robot narrowed its eyes, having a familiar British accent.

"LIQUID! I KNEW IT WAS YOU!" Snake promptly punched the robot in the face.

"NOOOOOO SNAKE THE ROBOT"

"OTACON SNIPER WOLF WAS BAD ENOUGH BUT WOULD YOU JUST PLEASE SHUT UP YOU'RE ANNOYING ENOUGH AS IT IS WITH YOUR CODEC CALLS"

"AHAHAHA! VERY GOOD, BRRRRRRRROTHER! NOW, WE DUEL!" Liquid Snake slapped him across the face with his new robot arms. Snake got very mad, and slapped him back. Soon, they were in your typical Saturday-Night Cat-Fight. Or was it a Snake Fight? No one knows.

Otacon decided to take over at that moment and ran fast, and far away.

"Snake! Pointless fighting is useless! We're from a stealth game, after all!"

"BUT IT'S LIQUID-"

At that moment they were interrupted by the other robot, Mega Man.

"Uh, are you Doctor Hal Emmerich?" he curiously said, clearly confused.

"Well, sort of, but I'm also Solid Snake because we're sharing a body right now." he grinned happily.

The blue bomber jumped, chirping in joy. "Yes! I've always wanted to meet you! This spirits thing is so confusing..." he sighed. "The name's Jeff Andonuts! Pleased to meet you!" he stuck out a hand.

Otacon shook it. Not exactly what he expected, but as soon as he got his body back, he was going to analyze this robot so hard it would be absurd to try and describe it. "Otacon. And technically Solid Snake."

"So, uh, not very good at this conversation thing. When I'm not in this robot's body, I'm kinda shy, not very strong, really near-sighted, and I tend to be a little reckless. So, uh, despite that, would you like to be my friend? Okay?"

Somewhere, Ness Okeyed in response, though honestly he was wondering where the heck Jeff had run off to. And the rest of everyone in his universe, plus that one ramblin' evil mushroom.

"Sure!" Otacon smiled. Finally, someone he could talk about anime and science to besides Snake.

"Otacon, please, just stop." Snake grumbled.

"Snake, b-but-"

"Snake Man?" Mega Man blinked, clearly bewildered. "How'd I get over here?"

"Aw, see what you did..."

"Ugh. Otacon, let's just go try and get your body back." and then Snake hid in his cardboard box to hold the rest of the argument in private.

Mega Man was starting to be deeply concerned about this guy. What was happening? How'd he get over here? Why did he have a sudden and inexplicable urge to build bottle rockets despite him being programmed for household chores and combat?

He never got the answers to that, but hey, Crash Man was inexplicably very happy later on. Something to do with finally having hands.

So, a truly extraordinary and confusing adventure ensued that totally wasn't the video game version of Infinity War. At least Peter Parker didn't die again.


	2. Bowsette was a mistake

[A/N: Author: *yawns, checks the website*

Author: Hmmm I wonder how people liked my ridiculous crack fic *sees 200+ views*

Author: OH MY DEAR ARCEUS WHY DO YOU LIKE THIS SO MUCH

Seriously though! Thank you all so much for taking your time to read this ridiculous thing! I promise to make a lot more, up until the game comes out. Then I'll be busy playing it. :3

From now on each chapter is a dual set of "episodes". I'll try to make these at least every other day (maybe more if I'm very inspired.) feel free to recommend which characters I should torture – they don't even have to actually be in smash Bros., if you really want it that badly. (HECKING WALUIGI) But, seriously, how is this the most popular thing I've made?]

Episode 2: Hey remember Bowletta

Bowser was honestly tired of all the Bowsette fanart on the Internet. It was getting out of hand, though thankfully dying down. But, alas, it wasn't even the worst thing the Koopa King had been through. After all, Cackletta was obnoxious as heck, and unfortunately, he was taken over by her soul again. And those weird… boob-things were back as well, which made everyone very confused and creeped out about Bowletta back when Superstar Saga first came out on the GBA.

"We must find my dear assistant Fawful!" She spoke to herself (himself? Itself? Everyone is gender confused now I suppose welp).

Yoshi wandered into the room at that moment. "Cackletta! Fawful heard your pining of trees for me! I took over this rat-fink for you!"

"Perfect." They cackled. The author groaned at how ridiculous that statement was. "Now, we take over and retrieve the beanstar!"

And so they set out, but couldn't find the beanstar because it, too, was just a spirit now. It had decided to support Yoshi, so technically they had it the entire time. But, neither of them knew it was there so they wandered aimlessly about until Cackletta got bored of Fawful constantly bumping into things because he didn't have his ridiculous glasses. Bowser then proceeded to beat up Yoshi until Fawful left as well.

Honestly what did you expect an amazing plot NO THIS IS A CRACK FIC GOOD DAY SIRS AND LADIES AND ASSORTED CATS

Episode 3: Pichuman Ga Taosenai

By the time Mega Man got to Dr. Wily's Castle, it was probably too late.

Pichu has destroyed everything. Dr. Wily was already a spirit though, so the most he could do was wiggle and glow angrily at the destruction of his fabulous fortress. The Yellow Devil had been destroyed (it's weak to electricity lol) and also did the same, though decided to bother Mega boi as he approached the small electric rodent cautiously.

"SO YOU HAVE FINALLY COME!" It boomed. "MY REVENGE IS AT HAND, MEGA MAN!"

"Definitely a spirit." He muttered, preparing his Mega Buster. Rush's soul whined in anticipation. Zero's soul wondered what it was fighting for. The Yellow Devil's soul was still being annoying. Bubble Man's soul had something to say, but was cut off by Metal Man's soul throwing a soul metal blade at him. "Now, the only question is, which one is-"

"FACE ME, AIR MAN, THE ONE WHO CANNOT BE DEFEATED!"

"Oh well that actually makes a ton of sense"

"FACE MY… uh… well thunder tornadoes are Tornado Man's theme, so… FACE MY SPARKNADOS! WHICH HAVE NO RELATION TO SHARKNADOS!" The Pichu Man screeched, summoning gusts of wind crackling with lightning from nowhere.

"Wait, But isn't spark a physical move?"

"Oh. Right. Um…. THUNDERSHOCK TORNADOS!" The Pichu Man accidentally shocked himself because Pichu is honestly a not very good choice for a rampaging robot who has a fan for a mouth.

"DAMMIT! NEVER MIND!" It snarled, summoning more tornados that weren't full of lightning this time.

Mega Man merely sidestepped, and the tornados missed.

"Dude, you need to work on your aim." He shifted back away from his Mega Buster to prove his point.

"AAAJFYDUFYDGIHSSTGIYSDUYDHODFHursetiitdiypfhdigyodoxgog Lv todtidkhctussit" At this point the author gave up trying to write about how annoyed Air Man/Pichu was. Let's move on.

At that moment, Villager saw the secret signal from Mega boi and swung down on a vine, leaves in hand. He slapped the Pichu Man with them, and with his holy touch Air Man was exorcised. He then threw a master ball at Air Man. That is how he obtained ACbot 2000 (that's what his holiness nicknamed him. Air Man fled about a week later and was never seen in Smash Bros. again.) Sakurai was impressed.

"Thanks, Villager!" They did the highest of fives, content that they had finished their mission. Secure, Contain, Protect was their- oh wait wrong thing oops. The author has really put in all of the references – ALL OF THEM.

Villager left, muttering that he was going to take the robot's head off with an Axe after he re-enacted the Shining.


	3. Intense yoga is ultimately a bad idea

[A/N: I'm sorry this is late! I've been busy playing Mega Man 1-11, Final Fantasy VI, Super Metroid, and Deltarune. O_O So, at the pace I'm making these, I'll add an extra episode every 3rd chapter. Oh, and for every 3rd extra episode… kesesesese, well, you'll see. Another thing – per chapter you will get one short episode, and one longer episode. I also want adjust the previous schedule for this – instead it'll likely be one every Monday or Tuesday, plus one or two other ones during the week. It's just slightly more manageable for me that way (please understand! ^^'). Hey, feel free to do whatever you want with this fanfic. Draw fanart, read it off to your pets on YouTube, send it to your memetic friends… just credit me, please! :3]

Episode 4: I have an Inkling that my puns are terrible

"Alright, class! Today we're doing inkling athletics!" The Wii Fit Trainer called to her class. "Today, we have a very special guest – Agent 3!"

The inkling next to her smiled nervously and waved.

"Woomy."

The class waved back. They were doing the wave far better than the one time that Inkblot Academy attempted a school-wide wave during squidball practice that ended up accidentally washing away the entire art wing.

"Snake! Th-that's an inkling!" Otacon temporarily took over to fanboy. "They're so COOL! They can ink turf, and then swim through the ink to sneak up on unsuspecting-"

"Hal…" Snake grumbled. "This is a yoga class, not anime club."

"Hey! Splatoon's a game, not an anime!"

"I don't care." The two stopped arguing as Agent 3 started to speak.

"Alright guys, so to start off let's do some super jumps!" The inkling shot up into the air in a burst of ink, turning into a squid while they did so. They landed on the ground and morphed back a short while later.

"And that's how you do it!" She smirked.

Everyone else jumped a small amount in the air, but in no way could recreate the super jump. They weren't squids, after all. Nor were they octopi, or even jellyfish. Mega Man accidentally teleported out of the area for a little bit, but came back with sushi. To this day, no one knows how he managed to accomplish that.

"Um… this doesn't seem to be working." Isabelle piped up. "I don't know if our bodies can even reasonably do that."

Agent 3 sighed, thinking over something harder than a super sea snail's shell. An idea came to her, and she ran out of the room saying "I'll be right back! We just need some assistance!"

The Wii Fit Trainer gave them some stretches to do in the meantime. Bowser fell backwards on his shell, and everyone had to set him upright again. Dr. Mario was pretty sure he sprained his back, so he made him leave the class to go get treated, which was probably lucky for Bowser. Agent 3 swam back in just as he left the class, followed by a ton of spirits.

"Alright guys! I got these spirits to help us out! You'll gain squid and octopus powers when these things possess you!"

"What?" Mega Man said, just before getting slammed right in the chest by the Agent 8 one.

Isabelle ran in circles attempting to avoid a blooper one (though it honestly wouldn't provide the proper powers for her) but tripped. Snake didn't move, being too distracted by Otacon to notice the spirit headed straight towards him. The Wii Fit Trainer had Off the Hook. After the sudden possessions happened, they all got up slowly, very dazed and quite bewildered.

"Urgh… what the HELL WAS THAT?" Snake's head hurt terribly. Bad enough that he was permanently stuck with an Otaku inside his head, but now this song wouldn't leave his head. Something something Calamari Inkation. Of course, he couldn't hear it over Otacon screaming happily about something called the "Squid Sisters". He didn't even know what a Squid Sister was, and he wouldn't have cared except for the fact that he was going to be stuck with them for a while.

"Ah… Veemo?" Mega Man jumped around, glancing about in a confusion.

The Wii Fit Trainer started rapping. No one knew what to do with that, not even the Squid Sisters/Solid Snake. Isabelle was flopping on the floor like… a dog possessed by a squid.

The inkling whistled to get their attention. "Alright! Let's try the Super Jump once more!" She proceeded to show it off again.

The others failed spectacularly. Snake was too busy yelling at the voices in his head to hear, Isabelle flopped around to no effect, and Mega Man and the Wii Fit Trainer broke the roof when they attempted it.

Agent 3 sighed, facepalming.

"Perhaps this wasn't such a good idea."

Episode 5: ~The Bois are back in town~

"Kirby, for the last time, I have no idea what a Taco Bell is. Nor a Del Taco or a 'Fresha Voca Doo'." Meta Knight flatly said.

Kirby, however, was not listening. He proceeded to inhale the rest of the burritos that he had obtained from a Chef Kawaski-possessed Piranha Plant.

"Poyo!" He cheerily said.

"I wanted one of those… hmmmph. What am I supposed to do with you?"

"Hey guys…" a soft voice popped up from behind them, "I have some more burritos."

Meta Knight turned around sharply, pointing his sword, Galaxia, directly in King Dedede's face. He lowered it when he saw who it was.

"Ah. It's you. Tch. Typical of you trying to sneak up on Kirby like that."

"Wellllllll… if you really think a Halacandran possessing a penguin to give you burritos is 'Typical', sure." Not-Dedede smiled.

Kirby waddled up and gave him a big hug. "Magolor!"

"Oh, hey Kirby! Again, sorry about the master crown incident… and the bad theme park I made." Mags admitted embarrassedly.

"Er… yeah." Meta Knight glanced off to the side. Hey, at least he got to slay (and then ride) a dragon like the knight he was supposed to be during that incident. He then smacked the heck out of Magolor when he got the chance.

Dedede blinked for a second, glancing down at Kirby. "Oi! Kirby! What are you doing clinging to my leg like that?!"

"Ah, Kirby, you might want to run. I think Dedede's back."

The penguin king pulled out his giant hammer, dashing after a fleeing (though quite entertained) Kirby, saying something about "clobberin' that there Kirby." Meta Knight watched them until they went out of view, sighing. "Some things never change, do they, Galacta Knight?"

"Speak for yourself." He grouched. "I've been fighting you for a stupid amount of years now, and I still haven't-"

"Trust me, I didn't let you possess me because I like you. It is because Kirby wanted me to." Gazing out at the horizon, he realized that the sun was setting.

"And he is far stronger than the both of us combined twenty times over."

Extra episode 1: So how are the people who didn't get into SSBU doing?

Waluigi: They… they picked a plant over me… *sob*

Phoenix Wright: I HAVE TOO MANY CASES TO DO I'M SORRY

Professor Layton: I prefer not to fight in the first place, anyway.

Luke Triton: Right! What the professah said!

Decidueye: …

Bass: DAMMIT! NOW I CAN'T FIGHT MEGA MAN! ARRRRRRRRGHHHHHH! *destroys Wily's Castle probably*

Raiden: …crap.

Dante: [Refused to come in for an interview]

Travis Touchdown: Naaaaaah. I need more time to watch Bizarre Jelly, and besides, I like that Incineroar thing's style. I'm gonna stay right here with my beam katanas and my anime.

Geno: *is a doll*

Sans: ok but really why did people even think i was getting in smash you guys are idiots

Bandana Waddle Dee: *DISTRESSED NOISES AND SPEAR STABS*


	4. Badass Psychic and Idiotic Assassin Cats

[Holy cats on a cookie. Near 1,000 views?! AND A FEATURE IN ONE OF THE COMMUNITIES?! I... I don't deserve this, but thank you so much! [Thanks for putting up with the lateness, too… so many technical difficulties with this recently. ;-;] So, here I gooooooooooo! (Hiimdaisy reference, heheheheh... wow I lean far too heavily on MGS jokes for this series) Oh, and since we have yet to get a full list of spirits in the game, I'm making any and all trophies and stickers fair game now. (plus mayhaps a few other ones... I love to mess with the multiverse. Take a wild guess who the announcer is – and yes, he's from Pokémon for this round). This is a longer episode than normal – a full brawl! So, technically it's one episode, but it's the length of two. Enjoy!]

Episode 7 & 8: It's the Ultimate Pokémon Battle ･:*+.\\(( °ω° ))/.:+

"Everyone to Pokémon Stadium for a wild match! Pikachu, Pichu, Lucario, Jiggilypuff, Mewtwo, Greninja, Incineroar, and the Pokémon Trainer facing off against one another in an epic, spirited match! Come at 4 o' clock!" Rang out the announcement earlier that day. Ness and Lucas were rather excited by this, and so they PK Teleported as fast as they could to the stadium to bear witness to this surely unforgettable match. They were rooting for Mewtwo, of course – Psychic-Types had to support each other, after all. The duo waited for about 30 minutes in the stands, which were gradually filling up as they shared the peanut cheese bars that they had brought, making bets on what spirits the Pokémon would choose.

"Pikachu's definitely going to go for amped up electric attacks, so..." Lucas mused.

"Yeah! I wonder if Poo could help him out, then?"

"Nah, he uses Starstorm as his signature... er, that is before Kumatora and him taught us the attack."

"Hahaha... yeah. I kinda feel bad for stealing the spotlight from that, though. But hey, who's to say that they'll even go for matching elements? Last match, didn't Pikachu use a Metroid?"

He shivered in fear. "I really don't like those things... how long was it before Marth got up, again?"

"Ugh, yeah. Never want to see another swordsman having his brain sucked out by an alien-possessed rat. But, we've seen worse." Ness laughed. "Man, Moonside doesn't even begin to compare..."

The lights in the stands started to dim, and a hush fell over the crowd as the spotlights focused on the battleground.

"First, the aura Pokémon Lucario. Rather adept at both energetical and physical attacks, it makes for a rather powerful opponent. Currently assisted by the spirit of Ninten, a powerful psychic from the town of Podunk!" For whatever reason the announcer sounded oddly calm. Sometimes for spirit matches, they would let the announcer be taken over by a spirit for more variety. Most people disagreed, however, finding the switch oddly unnerving. But then again none of them had ever seen the announcer, so maybe it was just them doing different voices? It's a secret to everybody.

"Ninten? Wasn't expecting that!" Ness whispered excitedly, as the Pokémon entered the field, waving to the crowd.

"Yeah, though he's not very good at fighting. However, he does have some fairly good healing powers… think he'll stay in the match for a long time." Lucas analyzed. "That, and he could easily up his defense, and Lucario's offense…"

"Second, some may say that this Pokémon is too weak to be on the battle field, however, I disagree! Pichu, combined with the might of Calamity Ganon!"

There was a long, prolonged stunned silence. That little thing? Teaming up with Calamity Ganon?

"I have a bad feeling about this…" muttered Link, who had happened to be sitting next to the psychic kids. They didn't listen to him, however. Neither did the author, who is now making this a running joke.

"Third, a Trainer that I've personally never met, but I have full confidence that they can bring out the full potential of their Pokémon in battle! This is… the Pokémon Trainer named, uh…" a distinct shuffling of papers was heard over the intercom. "They're named Pokémon Trainer. Their Pokémon, Squirtle, Ivysaur, and Charizard! The team is being supported by… fascinating! They're being supported by Mew, the ancestor to all Pokémon!"

A murmur of excitement ran throughout the crowd. The next contestant was going to have a lot of trouble if this was true. Lucas shifted uncomfortably in his seat, setting his snack down on his leg.

"Is… Mewtwo going to be able to handle this?"

"I don't know… he was a clone of Mew, after all… but Mew's been reduced to just a spirit for now. It's going to be close."

The next few announcements went by without much excitement – Greninja paired up with Shadow Man, Jigglypuff with the balloon fighter from the NES, and Pikachu with Volgin, which was a strange sight. It's not every day a Pokémon walks around like an electrically charged mutant soldier. Mewtwo came out soon afterwards, leading to a massive cheer from the crowd.

"Mewtwo, the clone created from Mew's genes… though some say Mew gave birth to it… Considered by many to be the most heartless Pokémon, though it seems to have gotten rid of that title in recent years… supported by… well, I actually can't say. It's a mystery for now."

"Mewtwo's… keeping it secret? I didn't know they were allowed to do that!" Lucas gasped.

"I… guess so! But, I have confidence he found a really strong ally. That's probably what all the secrecy's about."

"And our final contestant… Incineroar, who isn't participating with a spirit!"

This time the Pokémon didn't come out. A murmur of confused rumors circled in the crowd, the announcer clearing his throat. There was a further rustling of papers.

"Apologies, it seems that the subje- er, I mean the contestant isn't going to show for now."

"What? Aw, I was looking forward to that one introducing itself… seems like a strong Pokémon." Ness sighed. "But hey, at least Mewtwo doesn't have to worry about super effective attacks, now. It is a dark type, after all."

"Alright, now for what you've all been waiting for. The contestants each have only one stock, and the last one standing after thirty minutes wins! Are you ready for this fascinating Pokémon battle? I know I am." He indistinctly whispered something about good data for research under his breath.

"Now without further ado… Ready?"

"GO!" The crowd screamed.

Right off the bat, Pikachu got flung off at Mach speed by Calamity Pichu (which is now what it was calling itself) after unwisely attempting thunder punch, which it didn't actually know. Volgin's kind of an idiot in terms of commanding Pokémon, because he's definitely not from that game series. The author does wonder, however, if he would get along with Lt. Surge. The Pikachu could do nothing but gape in utter disbelief as it was KO'd straight off the stadium. The rankings in the back changed to show a big red X over its name. Jigglypuff, too, was knocked out after going for an aerial assault against the wide-open Pichu, which backfired when Greninja, with extra stealth because of Shadow Man's soul, precisely aimed a water shuriken at the balloon Pokémon. Despite these early knockouts, the thick of the battle was carrying on right in the center, the cheering of the crowd only intensifying the struggle. Lucario and Mewtwo kept matching each other, throwing burst after burst of pure psychic power.

"Go, Mewtwo! You can do it!"

"Ninten, do your best as well!" The duo yelled over the sea of noise.

It wasn't meant to last, though. Ivysaur flung the two warring Pokémon apart with its vines, then quickly swapped over to Charizard for a brutal headbutt to Mewtwo, who was flung to the edge, just barely hanging on. Greninja aimed another water shuriken at the flaming dragon (which isn't actually a dragon-type lol) and struck it true. However, the ninja frog was hit by the recovered Calamity Pichu, flinging it sky-wards from a malice-infused thunder shock. It growled, the dark substance swirling around it as it approached a Poké Ball – A Master Ball, to be precise. Throwing it, it struck the dazed Charizard, and summoned a familiar moon bat.

"Ah! Lunala, the Pokémon of the moon! Fascinating! Perfect for my research!" Pencil scratches could be heard over the intercom.

"Uh… I think he left the mic on…" sighed Ness. "And," He squinted, "does it have a name tag…?"

It did indeed, having been nicknamed by the author and wonder traded off (and then somehow ended up in Smash Bros.) it read "PkStarBound". It flew to the back of the stadium, raising its wings for an attack. It glowed softly, screeching "MAHINA PEAAAAAAAA!" As it let loose its signature move, Moongeist Beam. The beam of moonlight struck Lucario dead-on, dealing serious damage and causing it to fly back a short amount. Something interesting happened as it landed, though — a greenish veil enveloped it, healing some of the damage as the weakened Charizard charged forwards.

"Perfect! He upped their defense beforehand, healed after impact, and now…"

The Aura Pokémon set a paw firmly but gently on the dragon's head, just out of reach of its snapping jaws. It collapsed, sleeping.

"… a precise follow-up with hypnosis! Aw, what an amazing combo! I'll have to use that sometime, and maybe have Jeff assist afterwards with a Multi-Bottle rocket or two…"

"He's still in trouble, though — two other ones to deal with. Plus Pichu and Mewtwo."

"Ha! Don't worry, Lucas, Lucario is quite skilled…from fighting off fangirls and the like."

"Oooooh Yeah. Shippers are the worst…"

Pichu had turned its attention to the Pokémon in question, charging up a rather devastating-looking attack, but never got to use it. Mewtwo picked it up, chucking it at a nearby camera for an easy screen KO. The crowd went wild, this Pokémon… it had managed to knockout its opponent without even coming close to it. Notably, some kind of energy started building up around it after it — a strange light that slightly distorted the air around it.

"Ness! That's…!"

"Told you he picked a strong ally! I just didn't expect it to be Ultra Necrozma!"

Lucario leaped out of the way, and Charizard had been swapped out for Squirtle, who used surf to chase after the aura Pokémon. A smash ball suddenly appeared on the field… no wait, it was two!

"Hey, one's a fake!"

"This'll be interesting!"

One flittered towards Mewtwo, who held it in an icy stare for a few moments before teleporting away from it. Another one was nearby to Squirtle and Lucario. Down below, the trainer gave their Pokémon the go ahead to get the ball next to it, though Lucario hit it a few times first. Squirtle smacked it out of the way, smashing open the ball and… caused it to explode right in its face, flinging the light Pokémon off the stage despite the pink bubble surrounding it as protection.

"Alright! It's all downhill here for Mewtwo!"

"Wasn't that kind of… too easy though? I know Mew acts like a child usually, but…"

"Hmmm. I don't know. Maybe the Trainer's just not used to commanding spirits as well as Pokémon."

Mewtwo teleported over to the real ball, crushing it in one hand. It's aura mixed with the one provided by Ultra Necrozma, providing an excellent light show.

Lucario never stood a chance.

Quickly, Mewtwo activated its final smash, mega evolving… but different. The bright outline of some sort of dragon trailed along, shadowing Mega Mewtwo Y as it zoomed towards Lucario at warp speed. Before anyone knew what had happened, Mewtwo was the only one standing, the other having vanished. The crowd heavily applauded as he took a bow.

"Hmmm? Ah, I got that all recorded, perfect… it seems we have a winner! Mewtwo, the Pokémon created by genetics, has won!"

"Ahahaha! Yessssss! Lucas, did you see that?! THAT WAS EPIC!"

"Well technically speaking, no one saw it."

"I KNOW!" He accidentally performed a small PK Flash, he was so excited. This caused poor Link to start crying uncontrollably.

"So, as the victor of this battle, your reward is-"

The announcer was cut off midway by something heavily slamming into the center of the stadium. The crowd gasped, and Mewtwo floated unfazed just in front of it as it slowly reared up to its full height, a strange glowing sword in hand.

"Oh! It's the Pokémon Incineroar, though it's quite late! With a strange sword, as well!"

It growled, but in a bizarrely human fashion.

"It's called being fashionably late, fuckface."

From somewhere in the crowd, someone said that cursing like that was not allowed in a Smash Bros. Environment. No one heard them, however. The lights focused on this new challenger, making the iconic yellow aviator glasses on its face evident, along with a red tiger print jacket that came across as rather redundant on the Pokémon.

"Oh wow. Guess you guys don't know who I am." He laughed.

"This new challenger… I do believe this is the perfect alliance between a Pokémon and a human! Oh, this is so perfect!" The announcer was very clearly enjoying this new development, and more frantic scratches of pen on paper could be heard. "Perfect for my research…"

"So! Let me tell you about myself, since I'm getting a lot of blank looks here." He waved the sword around. "I'm the number one assassin in the UAA. Or, more precisely, Santa Destroy."

The crowd blinked.

He sighed defeatedly, gesturing about. "The name's Travis Touchdown! Maybe you know my brother, Henry Cooldown?"

Only one person emitted a slow "oh" in the entire crowd.

"Ugh. You know what, I… I don't care. I just possessed a cool tiger Pokémon so I could fight, and ya know what? That's exactly what I'm going to do!" He dashed at Mewtwo, nearly landing a slash on the Pokémon.

"Is this legal? Where'd this guy even come from?"

"Who knows. Mewtwo can probably deal with this, though. I hope."

He tried to fight back with his enhanced psychic powers, but found that they didn't affect the tiger Pokémon. So, he flew out of harm's reach, analyzing his opponent.

"Hey, don't worry — I've studied Pokémon effectiveness enough to know that Psychic-types can't possibly touch Dark ones." A wicked grin crept across his face as he spun his sword around once. "To deal any damage, you're gonna have to deal with me physically, or with a weapon. But even then, you'll be on the business end of my Beam katana!"

Just as he proclaimed his challenge, a Beam sword fell to the field, and Mewtwo did indeed head over to grab it. Travis, or Incineroar or whatever you'd call him now, charged straight ahead. He didn't, however, take into account its highly enhanced speed, and though he valiantly blocked most of the strikes, he quickly found himself heavily damaged.

"Ha! Stronger than I thought… you remind me of Henry, actually."

Mewtwo then landed the final blow, launching him away at a ludicrous speed. Standing there, watching that idiot flying away, he sent a telekinetic message to everyone in the stadium.

"What an asshole."


	5. Actually, I'm not quite dead yet!

[A/N: I hope you had an amazing Thanksgiving! We now return from the roughly three week hiatus to your regularly scheduled nonsense, complimentary with my new experience with Animal Crossing New Leaf. (Which I'm now obsessed with…) and the game releases this Friday! :D so… an even longer hiatus while I obtain and play through the game. Oops. Er… Merry Christmas? ^^']

Episode 9: We all knew Meta Boi was broken but this is a new low

"Hmmmph... look at that stupid Star Warrior, all smug and high and mighty..." Roy grumbled, having come in second place in the brawl that just had taken place. Mega Man sat next to him, blue screening.

"Hey uh... is he okay?" Corrin gestured to the robot just as he snapped out of it.

"THAT IS THE LAST TIME I USE WINDOWS VISTA TO WATCH A BASKETBALL GAME"

"Er... okay?" She was confused, but wasn't very good with robots, so she just presumed this was a normal occurance.

The Blue Bomber clonked himself in the head, getting some literal bugs out. "Man... uh, did we start yet?"

"We just lost." Roy growled, much like the dragon that Corrina could transform into. "He dodged all of my attacks! EVEN MY MEWLING LION TACKLE!"

"One, that is a stupid name, and two, " She dropped her voice down to a whisper, "I think he cheated."

"WHAT?!"

"SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Both Corrin and Mega Man hissed at him.

"Sorry..."

"There is this spirit I've heard of," she began, "it's from the Pokémon universe."

Mega Man stepped in to help. "#494 - Victini, the Victory Star Pokémon. This Pokémon brings victory. It is said that trainers with Victini always win, regardless of the type of encounter. It creates an unlimited supply of energy inside its body, which it shares with those who touch it. When it shares the infinite energy it creates, that being's entire body will be overflowing with power."

"... That was literally just its Pokédex entries." He facepalmed.

"I had a Pokédex installed in me by this scientist who thought I was his grandson. I decided to humor him, because... he legitimately believed that his son's name was Asshat."

"That. That right there. That is... a new low in depressing."

"So, now we have proof! LET'S GET HIM!" Roy stupidly charged at Meta Knight, and soon was Mach Tornadoed out back into the stage select screen. Dracula was very confused at what such an idiotic swordsman was doing in his castle, but didn't care because he took care of the pesky little Belmont problem that he'd been having. Stupid humans. They killed his lovely science wife, so they would die now. But that's the plot of Castlevania (or at least the anime) and this is Smash Bros.

Corrin sighed. "What a moron. Hey, we could probably take him if we teamed up, robot."

"I… I have a name you know…"

"Oh, sorry… what is it?"

"Mega Man… but if you want to, you can call me Rock!" He smiled a small, warm smile, as robots are programmed to do.

Valiantly, they attacked, but even with their combined might they couldn't beat the unfair advantage Meta Knight had. Even summoning the Moon didn't help.

But when all hope seemed lost, there came the Pokémon Trainer, a masterball at the ready, prepared for the ultimate showdown. He also fell off the Charizard he was riding, but that's beside the point.

"Who dares challenge Meta Knight?" The Star Warrior spoke unnecessarily in the third person.

"I shall slice my legendary sword, Galaxi-" The ball smacked his mask, as just like that, the crisis was averted. Sakurai cheered. The stupid leakers were very confused.

-Meta Knight was caught!-

-Would you like to give a nickname to the Meta Knight you just caught?-

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA was sent to Box 20!-

Everyone was quite content for him to be locked up for a little while. He's deserved it since Brawl.

Episode 10: The Crossing of the Animals

"MAYOR! THERE YOU ARE!"

The Villager ran off in a great deal of fear. Isabelle was going to be so mad with him for abandoning his town for four years…!

She was in hot pursuit, a rage blaster clasped firmly in her right paw… and behind her was Samus, arm cannon at the ready.

"I got a Smash invite!" She sounded maniacally adorable as she waved the blaster around. "So, now, I get to join you here!"

Villager was backed up against a wall, barely dodging a fully charged blast from Samus' cannon as he became cornered. He pulled out his axe, just in case…

"Good work, Isabelle. You've more than completed your mission." Snake strode up to the front, crossing his arms.

"Thank you, Mayor Snake!" She saluted.

"I… I told you it was… oh, forget it. Remember the basics of CQC?"

"Yep! Caring, Quality, and Compassion!" She grinned innocently.

"Er…" he dropped off, astounded.

The Villager took this opportunity to try and make a getaway. He got fairly far before Samus hit him with a fully charged blast. Isabelle and Snake took absolutely no notice, however.

"There you go, you two." Samus sighed, taking her helmet off for a break. Her suit was quite stuffy sometimes.

"Thank you! But I was just going to say how happy I was to see the Mayor doing so well! I was going to give this blaster to him."

"Huh. I thought you were going for a Smash attack."

"Ergh, So did I…" Snake groaned, hearing Otacon wanting to talk about something in the back of his mind. He couldn't wait until that nerd got his body back – this voices in his head thing was making him feel more than a little bit insane. Like he had a split personality or something…

"Snake, oh my god! It's Isabelle! She is literally the best dog ever! And… and SAMUS?" Otacon started to fanboy, as per usual.

"Otacon, I thought I told you to shut up."

"S-sorry, Snake… But one thing!"

"Ugh. What."

"If you lay a finger on Isabelle, I will personally come to your house in Alaska and cry."

"Otacon, you're in my body."

"Oh. Right… I'll still cry. Very loudly."

Samus and Isabelle exchanged a look, shrugging while Snake kept muttering to Hal.

"I'll have you know, this guy tried hitting on me last week…" she sighed loudly, placing her helmet back on. "The Captain punched him in the face for me. Then that nerd tried the same damn thing. That earned him a Falcon Kick straight to his crotch."

Isabelle nodded slowly. "I… I can see that. Who runs around in a skin-tight suit like that, anyway?"


	6. At least they're not on Mushrooms

[AAAAAAA I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING THIS! I've been so busy with literally everything, from school to video games, to family… thank you so much for your patience! I guess this is a "season 2" now, huh? Hopefully with significantly less MGS memes, but I can't promise anything. In other news… Silvagunner is back, so that's nice :]. And be warned: there may be WoL spoilers later on.

The second thing is that I'm making a slight change: 2 ridiculous episodes plus at least one serious episode, likely at least one per series (exempting Fire Emblem because I don't have the time or energy to keep up with that). So… it might not be 100% comedy anymore. But y'know what they say: "Comedy equals tragedy plus time". GLaDOS said that in Portal, but it's likely originally from some dead Roman philosopher guy. And no more "extra" episodes – too hard for me to count to 3, apparently. (Like Valve with Half-Life…)

On to the story! Happy early Easter if you celebrate that!]

Episode 11: You already know who this is about don't you it's so bloody obvious (Happy 30th Anniversary to the MOTHER/Earthbound series!)

Mewtwo reclined on an armchair, sipping tea. The teacup floated just in front of him, obviously held up by the artificial cat's psychic powers.

Before the mighty result of genetic science was a small child, like Lucas but… slightly different. He had the same cowlick and expression, but his hair was ginger instead of blonde, and wore a green and yellow striped shirt.

"I see… so, I'm in my brother's body? That's uh… new." Oddly, the child kept looking over to his right arm, rubbing a hand against it on occasion. "I mean… I know he's okay, but I can't hear him…"

Mewtwo gingerly placed the tea against atop a nightstand, assuming a focused position, those calculating lavender eyes staring at him over the paw-like hands unique to the creature.

"Sometimes that happens with spirits, especially with those that are quite… close, in a familial sense, Claus." It emitted a strange, distorted sigh, the effect partially caused by it using telepathy to talk. "And you and your brother, as I understand it, have quite the history."

The two psychics stared back at one another, pondering the issue.

"B-But, what about the other version of me?" Claus continued rubbing his arm with a little bit more worry. "Y-y… you know.. th… that…" he sniffed, trying to keep it together. "Th… r-ro.. b-b-b…"

Mewtwo gently floated over, placing a light purple paw atop their shoulder.

"You don't have to recall it. Trauma is… a difficult thing, my child."

Claus wiped away his tears, blinking upwards to meet the psychic feline's soft eyes… oddly familiar.

"W-wait… you're actually…"

"Yes, Claus. Now come into your mother's arms – you must be so exhausted."

"M-MOM!"

With a cry, Claus jumped up and hugged Hinawa tightly and warmly, never wanting to let go. No one cared that she was residing in the body of a Pokémon – just that she was there, with her lost son. She wiped away his tears, just like she had done when he was little.

"Now, why don't we go make some omelettes?"

"That sounds delicious, mom." He beamed, following his mother into the kitchen.

Episode 12 + 13: Dr. Crygor hosts the world's weirdest party

"I'm bored…" Doctor Mario sighed, currently possessed by the spirit of the mad scientist Dr. Crygor. "And I've been sacrificed an absurd amount amount of times to summon other spirits. Getting real tired of that." He sighed again, deeper this time, counting something off on his hands. "Let's see… for Dr. Eggman, Baron K. Roolenstein, every single time my 'core' was used, especially that one time for Guile…" he tapped the desk he was sitting at in irritation. "I'm a scientist, not some ingredient in a summoning spell, dammit! I… I wish Mike had…"

He dropped off, realizing what he was going to say. He stared out the window, sunlight cast across the calculations splayed on the desk.

"No… no, especially not Mike… no one deserves this, to not have a coherent form without borrowing another's…" He dragged a hand across his face slowly, thinking hard. "Still, a little music would be nice. Wait... no, I've got it!" He sprung up, upsetting some pencils set on top of his math, casting them with a quiet clatter to the floor. "I bet we could host a dance competition! It'd break up the monotony, while also giving us a chance to have fun!" Running into the next room, he snatched up a cell phone and called the first person he thought of – one perfect for the job.

"Jimmy T.? It's Crygor. I have an idea."

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Awwwww yeah! Come on, Marina, a job, here, to give to the masses our musical talent? Let's show some of these extra-dimensional barnacles our mad skills!"

"Pearl, I swear you keep coming up with more and more confusing slang…" the octopus who was possessing a squid groaned, setting up their equipment for the night. Gotta love being forced to share the same body, it's just like two siblings fighting over the top bunk, ammirite?

Off the Hook, and several other teams, had completely changed the Punch-Out boxing ring so that they could throw the party they envisioned. Streamers hung from the admittedly not-up-to-code lights, paper lanterns dangled just above the dance floor, and a massive area was set aside for the performers of the night. There was the aforementioned squid-octo pop team Off the Hook, but the Squid Sisters were also there, practicing their dancing.

"Hhmph. Lucky…" Pearl grumbled, "they aren't stuck without form like so many of us."

"Well, Pearl, maybe be a little bit more positive? The team's doing all they can to take down Galeem." She countered. "And at least you don't have as large of a forehead."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY ABOUT MY FOREHEAD?!"

"N-nothing, Pearl…"

Besides the squids and octopus, there was one other DJ team set for the night.

"Awwwwwwwright, 18-Volt!" Exclaimed the Villager with a childlike tone. "I've always wanted to meet these characters in real life! Let's show them what we're made of!"

"You got the set list, right?" 18-Volt, who was using the body of a greenish Incineroar, asked.

"Yep!" They pulled out a list from their pockets, showing it to 18-Volt. "We've got our remix of the Super Mario theme, the DK Rap, lost in thoughts all alone… oh! And Gourmet Race!" They laughed cheerily. "Come on, what would you do without me?"

He merely shrugged in reply.

"I dunno, 9-Volt… guess not be as nearly organized."

The duo both laughed heartily, taking out some records from a nearby bin. Isabelle sat nearby on a wooden stool, tuning a guitar.

"I'll give them the chill beats, and you do the spicy ones, you dig?"

Three Yoshis and Bayonetta sat in front of her. The Yoshis emitted three harmonized tones, seemingly in agreement. Bayonetta simply twirled around, smirking.

"Trust me, this lady can deal more than a few spicy beats."

Across the room, Dr. Crygor was talking to Mario.

"Crygor, baby, this is perfect! So much talent in one place!"

"Figured you would like it, Jimmy. But… you're not dancing tonight?"

"Naaaah. None of these bodies are nearly groovy enough, and I don't have my squad of dancing cats."

Dr. Crygor blinked. "Dancing… cat… squad? I'm not going to question that… but," he exclaimed, striking a pose, "I'll be out there! And Penny's coming, too! She's my granddaughter, you know – can't wait to show her how we old timers danced in the-"

He quickly realized he had left, and sighed depressively.

"No one likes my dancing… well, I'll just prove them wrong!"

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The night had been going great, the punch bowl full of delicious bonus fruit from Pac-Man, the DK Rap being sung by all, Wario driving his motorcycle randomly through the center of the stage and parking it there, and the dancing was quite legendary, to say the least.

"Come on, R.O.B.! Do the robot again!" Mega Man cheered, raising an E-Tank, as the DJs switched up the tunes, making an announcement.

"And now… the SQUID SISTERSSSSSSSS!"

The entire floor erupted with excitement, a stray peanut being shot by Diddy Kong. Piranha Plant gladly ate it. As the two climbed onstage, something unexpected happened – Jiggilypuff took out its microphone and began to sing, causing everyone nearby to fall asleep. Unfortunately, this meant that as the Squid Sister's song got more intense and the stage appeared to shrink, that a great many fighters were KO'd.

And that's when Dr. Crygor decided to start dancing, much to the confused reactions of everyone left, the DJs included.

"Uh… 18-Volt, is he flossing?" 9-Volt whispered off to the side.

"I… I have no idea. Is that even dancing? He's worse than one of those Inklings flopping around in water… and even they do that with more grace."

His dancing ended up being so bad that it knocked out everyone else there. The party was over, and even though he was declared the absolute WORST dancer there that night, he did win the battle, what with all those KOs.

Not that anyone knew that, of course. Penny vowed afterwards to force him to take dance lessons.


End file.
